Report on the Summer Capstone Event (and Special Encouragement to the New Mothers)
By Stephanie C.K. Chan*
On Saturday, August 24, 2024, Christian Legal Fellowship hosted its first CLI Reunion and Summer Capstone event at Redeemer University in Hamilton, Ontario. Hosted by André Schutten (CLF Senior Counsel) and Heidi de Vries (VP of Strategic Initiatives at Redeemer University), a full day of worship, fellowship, and fun was had by all who connected at this event. Members from different life stages came together and swapped stories of academic aspirations, uncertainties, hardships within their careers, and huge changes in their own life journeys. By the end of the night, spirits were rejuvenated and souls were replenished while we fellowshipped over a wonderful dinner banquet. It was a great day packed with thought-provoking lectures that resembled a miniature version of the week-long Christian Legal Institute. But the essence of the Christian Legal Fellowship lies not only in its academic acumen in generating honest discussions on tough and often controversial legal topics of our time. Rather, its distinct ability is calling forth a group of Christians—who happen to be lawyers or legal professionals or law students— and enabling the Holy Spirit to move through us to refill each other’s “cup” with living water from Christ our Lord.
This is what CLF means to me. Time and time again, when my spiritual cup is running dry, the Lord leads me to His living water in the form of a CLF event, and the 2024 Capstone was no exception.
Personal Anecdote
I joined CLF in 2017 as a freshly-minted law graduate, called to the Bar of England and Wales, who had recently returned to Canada. At the age of 23, I wondered if I would ever find my place both as a Christian and a lawyer in Canada. Looking back, that girl could have never fathomed the adventures in God’s plans over the next seven years. From 2017 to 2024, I went from being a single lady working at the United Nations in New York to being a married woman on maternity/parental leave with a 9-month-old son in rural Ontario. During these years of significant life changes, CLF has been a constant source of living water for me through the hills and valleys of my life. I could always count on my CLF family to listen, speak biblical encouragement, and pray fervently with me. I am also beyond grateful that the CLF leaders have stepped out in faith this year to create this Summer Capstone Event as their faithfulness has certainly brought spiritual renewal to those in attendance.
Navigating Motherhood and Faith
Saturday, August 24, 2024, was a big day. I had the privilege of attending this 15-hour conference in Hamilton. I signed up immediately when I saw the event come up, but I wrestled deeply with whether I should just stay home with my baby since it was an hour drive to Hamilton and I was fraught with mother’s guilt in leaving him. Thankfully, with my husband’s encouragement to step out in faith and his insistence that I should do some self-care, I came to the Capstone Event with an open heart to be spiritually refilled again. Above all, I yearned to nourish my soul by communing with a group of like-minded individuals who truly understood the struggle of being a lawyer, a Christian, a wife, and a mother.
Despite having a supportive husband and mother, there were have been times when I have felt isolated and alone as the primary caregiver during maternity/parental leave. No one told me that my whole life would flash before me and that I would have the urge to reassess all my life choices at 2a.m. when I became a first-time parent. Amidst postpartum blues and a strong (mostly overwhelming) sense of responsibility for a fragile new human being, I was thrown into deep doubt and spiritual stagnation. During sleepless nights, my intrusive thoughts were constantly questioning whether I picked the right career, the right timing to have a child, the right place to raise a child, and whether I would ever have or want a vocation in law again. I had no passion. No direction. I was just in pure survival mode after our baby came along.
This realisation absolutely horrified me because my passion for law has always shaped me. In 2017, I was sure that my calling was to be a lawyer and to pursue a legal career designed by God. But fast forward to August 2024: I was a new mother who felt incredibly lost and empty. Motherhood, as I have come to know it, is juxtaposed by the mundane everyday routines with your child’s ever-changing developments. But just when you thought you had some form of control over your daily routines again, the baby’s sleep regressions would challenge any control you have regained. It was tough to articulate how I felt inside. Over the past year, I felt like I achieved everything and yet nothing at the same time. In the midst of this self-doubt and looming fear, I heard this lie replayed over and over again like a broken record: “look, you can’t even string a thought together with so little sleep, how can you ever be a lawyer again? Your professional life is over now”. I was crushed.
Answered Prayer
This Capstone Event was an answer to a prayer I had been praying since the day I became a mother. It was an outpouring of the Holy Spirit into my soul, lifting my burdens off my heart. I started the day with an empty cup and ended the night overflowing with living water. From an exhausted drive at 7am to an exhilarated drive back at 10pm, once again, God has shown me that He will move mountains even when my faith is as small as a mustard seed. I am also certain that the leaders of the Capstone Event intentionally crafted the day’s programme to prepare a venue for people to come together and pour into one another spiritually. I am so thankful that this pure intention was amplified in the conversations and fellowship throughout the event. I also hope that my personal experience at this event will encourage all the new mothers and fathers who are exhausted beyond measure to come as you are to the next CLF event with an open heart and be spiritually refilled again.
Words of Wisdom
On my drive home, I realised I was on a social high from chatting, laughing, and praying with my people. Tears welled in my eyes as I sang worship songs, praising God for bringing me back to my spiritual home. My spirit fluttered with excitement while I reconnected with old friends and met new ones throughout the refreshment breaks and the dinner banquet. The chatter with friends reignited a familiar spark for the law within me. I missed this fellowship and my soul needed this more than I could ever know. I left inspired and honoured to hear from strong Christian women who raised their children and came back into law, following God’s calling for them.
Among the formal lectures, I was deeply captivated by the humorous, yet poised anecdotes presented by Heidi de Vries. Her topic, “Mundane Faithfulness”, resonated with every aspect of my life that needed to hear her words of wisdom. Within her presentation, Heidi reminded us to be “faithful in the little things” and to be “ready for the big things” which apply to both personal and professional life. To get to the summit with the Lord, we must faithfully climb each little step. It was particularly amazing to learn that her journey in law included becoming a first-time mother during law school and embarking a fruitful career as a municipal lawyer before joining Redeemer University. Troubled by my own internal struggles, I was greatly encouraged by her life experiences because her strength in trusting the Lord as a mother, Christian, and lawyer made me realize that I am only at the beginning of my own journey.
Similarly, it was invigorating to hear her wisdom for our professional vocation as Christian lawyers – we must know the line we will not cross, be prepared to be unpopular, stay [un]comfortable in being on the ‘wrong’ side of the table, and not be discouraged in doing the Lord’s work. Her integrity and her unwavering faithfulness in showing up for the Lord during challenges are admirable as it clearly displays that God will be there for us in the toughest situations that test our faith. I am grateful that she shared these anecdotes in her life as it modeled how God strengthens us in the various roles we hold in our personal and professional lives. Her accomplishments reminded me that God will give us authority and that nothing can stop God’s plan for us. Most importantly, hearing her speak about placing our lives before God with an open hand and embracing what God does in our lives helped me remove my doubts and insecurities. This was a pivotal moment for my faith as a new mother.
Furthermore, the programme throughout the day was incredibly engaging. We learned from André Schutten on how Christianity refined the law and the current challenges of the competing worldviews in influencing the law. We also learned engaging approaches from Jonathan VanMaren on how to talk about Christianity and controversial topics without losing friends. It was refreshing to hear from our panelists, Leslie Smith, K.R. Davidson, Ruth Ross, and Shawn Knights on various discussions about burnout, dealing with trauma, and maintaining a healthy relationship with ambition. The grand finale included a fun, rapid fire Q&A session. Our night ended with a remarkable keynote address from Dr. Ewan Goligher on “The human body and the body of laws: the meaning of embodiment for public bioethics.”
Conclusion
By the end of the night, I was excited to brainstorm different ways I could prepare myself for the day that God would call me back into law again. I would like to thank Derek, Ruth, André, Heidi, and the CLF Team for planning this event which has led people like me to find spiritual respite. In having this venue to bring my feelings of vulnerability to the altar, the lie that I adopted for myself—that I was useless in law for God’s kingdom and glory—slowly dissipated with each conversation and prayer that my sisters in Christ poured over me. These same women affirmed me that this season with my baby boy is so special and that my mission field right now is him. Every kiss, cuddle, diaper, bottle, and toy — they are all part of my calling to motherhood. And to love on my cheeky boy is to do the Lord’s work here on Earth. The Lord is good to me and our son is a heritage from the Lord. Through this community of Christian mothers at law, I heard my Heavenly Father gently reaffirm me that I am right where I need to be. I may not know His plans right now, but I can rest in His promise that He works for the good of those who love Him. Like a dear friend once told me in jest, “we bring our living sacrifice back to the altar again and again because it’s a LIVING sacrifice that sometimes escapes!” And so, I will keep bringing my offering back to the Lord. In time, He will place me where I will bring His light and glory again to the darkest places in this world.
To all my brothers and sisters in Christ who have just welcomed their little ones, I hope that I can encourage you all through my experience that He keeps preparing us to grow into the authority that He will give us. He will strengthen you in those times of exhaustion and loneliness. You are doing the most meaningful work when you show your child the love that God has for us. He will equip us to be the parents that our child needs us to be, just as He has equipped us to help others with law… all we need to do is to trust Him.
Through it all, I am reminded that law is not my identity, but it’s my calling for Christ. In time, He will call me into it again. When it happens, I will not be alone for I will join my esteemed colleagues at CLF in this calling. Until then and for always, Soli Deo Gloria.
*Stephanie C.K. Chan is a lawyer with experience in Family Law, Real Estate Law, and Wills & Estates Law. As of 2023, she serves on the Board of Hospice Muskoka. Currently on parental leave, she spends her days cherishing the giggles of her darling baby boy, enjoying married life with her husband, and appeasing the occasional mischief from their white German Shepherd, Avro Arrow. Stephanie and her family divide their time between the GTA and Muskoka Lakes, Ontario. For anyone who would like to connect with Stephanie on parenthood or topics within her areas of practice, please feel free to reach out at stephchan.law@gmail.com.